You keep me flying You keep me smiling You keep me safe in a crazy world You understand me Embrace my fragility You keep me safe in a crazy world And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again ___________________________________ :::Morning entry: This lyric speaks alot about how i'm feeling now. I'm a guy, but i do have my insecurities and my fantasies about the perfect love i'm yearning for. At times...many times. I wish i could be the weak party and just be in the arms of my love. Someone who could just embrace me and tell me 'everything is fine. Everything will be fine.' 'We can brave through this storm' Maybe that was why i teared uncontrollably when i watched 'Be With You' when Mio said that to Takumi...those exact words which i've been seeking. I felt the movie. I feel the song. Someday, sometime...i wonder when can i be safe in this crazy world.

Staring through the windows of time
Drying off the last tear of a lie
wuz it real or jus a mirage
Love has its Way
Of makin you blind
I stare deep into your heart and your soul
and I feel what any woman would want
why did I run..why did I hide
Because the memories lead on and on

And time goes on
the feelings stay strong
memories last away
With thunder and a rainstorm
Tell me is this REAL
or jus a MIRAgE

I ask myself could this be LoVE
(could this be love)
or just a fantasy
Could this be love
(could this be love)
or just a memory
of the two of us together
lifetime friends forever
You and me in unity
Friendship and love

Thursday,

Radio alarm activated at 1050am...i know it.

The phone rang and i was still sleeping away even though my radio was blasting away right beside the bed.
'What time you want to wake up ah? Now 1130am already...how uncle???' The voice of my sweet sweet girl, the only girl whom i love most called to wake me up from slumber. I'm suppose to meet her up at 1230om at Raffles City.
Sigh.

We ended up changing location to Somerset, Specialist Centre. Becos my Bao Bei wants to sell her cds to GramaPhOneGramaPhOne While when i'm still in the train heading towards the designation...*Sms* - Woo! I'm reachin soon! You? Feels like a date, a first date after some time. Hee. It was from Bee, and yes i felt the exact same way toO. BliSS was the word i could describe.

I saw Ah BEE! She looks SO cute!!!!!! With five piggy tails tied behind and nicest smile i ever see in a girl. I LOVE her...but something bothered me was her earrings. Really really doesn't go with her outlook. Heh. I tried to accomodate but i can't take my eyes off them. Anyway, i was glad to see her new loOk.

Gramaphone Charged her half her collection of cds at $22...sigh, the depricating value of compact discs. SO we carried the remaining half to lunch with us.

Lunch:::

Me ::: TOM YAm nOOdles! Still good!
Bee ::: Ebi Ramen...Err....




We had so many ideas bout where tO go for the day, because of the remaining cds...i went to get my money in Raffles THE Plaza and went ahead to Esplanade. We sat at somewhere the youths and punks like to crowd there learning their dance moves.
One of the coner having fun taking pictures! 








Then we proceeded to Marina for a movie: Be cOOl! But Bee was coughing very badly. We had to leave the Cinema after 20minutes of the movie.


Went back to Tampines Cash Converters to sell all the cds away. Yay! Lightened load.
Got another $17 from it. Had Clear soup steamboat this time at Tampines Mail.

And we went home.....

She's sleeping...i love to look at her...sometimes i wonder how long is she going to stay with me. How much is she willing to trust me.
I'm not sure if she's the one who'll walk my life down the road.
I hope upon hope she is the one.
Can't control these stuff. But try to make the best out of it....
Told myself that she's the best i've got...i love every part of her and her being.

Now it's my turn to turn in. I lovE my Bao BEI.

You are a XPYG--Expressive Practical Physical Giver. This makes you a Roving Spouse.

You are magnetic, charming, and impossible to resist. You have no problem with approaching your target sex -- it just comes naturally to you, and the thrill of warming up a stranger is one of your great drives. Still, very few people really know you. You don't just *feel* misunderstood -- you are. You are probably nursing a heartache that you never let on.

You're calm in a conflict (almost *too* calm -- a more emotional partner may wonder why you're not more engaged) and quick with affection. Fighting makes you uncomfortable, but as you avoid direct conflict your frustrations can manifest in the cold shoulder and passive-aggression, which is no better! Still, you make a loving, doting parent -- giving more love than discipline -- and your children prefer you.

Like an XSYG, you put so much thought and effort in what you give to your partner that you feel dismissed and unappreciated if you don't get the same in return. You also give and think so much that you can also talk yourself into cheating -- physically or emotionally -- and this can lead a cycle of conflict, guilt, conflict-avoidance, chilly atmosphere and then more cheating. But you'll stay with your partner in the long run from guilt and a desire to please.

You've got to open up! You express and give so much of yourself in other ways -- don't be afraid to express what's bothering you.

好冷啊,今天。 我看著遠處不斷移動的小人點,處在溫暖室溫下的我,不禁同情起街上的行人來。這些人為什麼還不回家呢? 「終於快下班了,我男朋友可等慘了。」 我聽見護理站的護士發出長吁聲,一副謝天謝地的模樣。 「情人節還得值班,真是非人待遇。」 快下班的護士喃喃抱怨道,引來另一個護士的贊同。 「妳還算好哩。」那個護士說。「有人就算快下班了也沒人等, 比妳更慘。」 「妳是說徐醫生?」 我一聽見她們談論的人是我,我的耳朵立刻豎得尖尖的,活像書裏的福爾摩斯那般敏銳. 「不是她還有誰?」那個護士又說。「妳還記不記得去年的今天 她失控的模樣?」 「當然記得。」另一個護士顫聲回答說。「我從沒看過徐醫生那個樣 子,又是哭又是吼的,好像瘋了一樣。」 她們說的是去年的我,那時我的確就她們說的那樣,毫無理智。 「噓,小聲一點。」另一個護士像是突然想到似的噤聲。 「她還沒有下班,當心被她聽到。」 兩個人這才想到隔牆有耳,可惜已經來不及了,倒楣的我恰恰隔著一張帆布牆,聽完了整段對話。 「徐醫生,妳怎麼站在這兒?」 正當我猶豫著該不該出去的時候,身後突然出現另一個趕著下班的護士, 逼我現出原形。 於是,我只好尷尬的站出來。 「我等打卡。」我假裝沒事地瞧著一直討論著我的兩位護士, 她們臉上的紅暈自然美麗,比情人節巧克力禮盒上裝飾的彩帶還要豔粉。 「早就下班了,妳不知道?」剛趕到的護士一臉怪異的看著我,似乎 懷疑我的聽力。 「我沒聽到鐘響。」只聽到她們的耳語。 「徐醫生,妳一定是忙過頭了。」最後到的護士搖搖頭,笑著拿起 卡片插入打卡鐘,接著跟我道別。 「明天見,情人節快樂。」打完卡後她揮手。 「情人節快樂。」我也揮揮手,並且一點也不驚訝其他兩個護士也 跟著跑,她們早想走了。 也好,我也想早點回家,雖然已經沒有情人在家等我,可是至少有一隻貓 等著我餵,懶惰不得。笑一笑,也拿起卡片,我隨手打下今年情人節最後一個空格,正式結束今天的工作。 一回到家,第一件事就是餵貓,我已經忘了是從何時開始養貓了, 好像是從去年的情人節開始吧!當時的我就和被人遺棄的貓一樣, 眼底充滿了無法克制的驚慌,只是貓不會哭,我會,僅此差別而已。 「妳給我乖乖的把這些牛奶喝完,否則我扒妳的皮。」在貓盆裏注滿了 牛奶以後我威脅我的貓,牠叫克麗絲汀,是我依我最討厭的英文老師的 名字取的,當時我也不知道我的腦子在想什麼,反正就是取了。所以, 牠就叫克麗絲汀,我最討厭的英文名字。 克麗絲汀喵了一聲,表示牠聽見了,只不過牠的眼神很哀怨,彷彿在 抗議我的霸道。 霸道啊��看見克麗絲汀的眼神,想到這個字眼,我不禁也一併想起 一道熟悉的身影,帶著不以為然的眼神,站在我的面前。 一年前的今天,情人節的中午,我約了我的男朋友出外吃飯,順便向他 抱怨。 「今天是情人節,你怎麼沒有送花給我?」我們一碰面我就向他施壓, 只見他挑眉。 「幹嘛送花給妳,妳又不是我的誰。」他相當不給面子的戳破我的春秋 大夢,要我別臭美了。 「那�..至少也該給我張卡片吧!」我嘟起嘴抗議,心裏多少有點不是 滋味。 「知道了。」他大翻白眼。「待會兒吃完飯回去,我寄張電子卡片給妳 總可以了吧!」 電子卡片,聽起來很冰冷,不過他就是這樣。 「一定要寄給我哦,我等著。」我十分興奮的咧嘴微笑,打算在下午回 醫院上班之前先溜回家一趟開電子信箱收信,雖然可以想像他用的絕不會 是什麼浪漫字眼,可是我仍然相當期待。 「真受不了妳們這些女人,過什麼情人節!」他邊嚷嚷邊低頭吃飯, 見他這般不甘心的模樣,我忍不住又和他吵起來。 「你真的一點情調也沒有耶,你沒看日劇嗎?」明知他忙得沒空看電視, 我還是想跟他吵架。 「日劇?」他一副我很無知的樣子,接著又低頭吃他的東西。 「我只看DISCOVERY。」他又說,氣得我連忙把他的餐盤拿開。 「你的人生真無聊。」我朝他做了個鬼臉。「前陣子才播過的日劇就 很好看,你應該多看。」 「哦,那齣日劇叫什麼?」他才不信戲劇中的愛情,他總說那是胡扯。 「叫『百年物語』。」我很高興的回答。 「裏面都播些什麼垃圾劇情?」他一副無聊的樣子,招來女服務生要 咖啡。 「什麼叫垃圾,你講話客氣一點好不好?」我氣死了。「那齣戲很感人, 而且主題歌曲也很好聽,曲名叫only love 是娜娜唱的。」不過我懷疑 他知道娜娜是誰。 「娜娜,我知道。」他還當真知道。「一個希臘女人,唱片貴得要死。」 他說的沒錯,她的CD一片至少要四百元,是很貴。 「她的歌聲值得。」雖然私底下我也滿認同他的說法,可我就是嘴硬。 「隨便啦。」他低頭看錶,剛好這時咖啡也來了。 「給妳五分鐘的時間把劇情講完,聽完了我就要走人。」 五分鐘哪夠?不過我還是很努力的在五分鐘內扯完了六個鐘頭的劇情, 說完了之後順便搶了他的咖啡喝。 這個劇情大致上很簡單,是敘述一百年間有關於三代女性的愛情故事, 從一九零一到兩千年,每一代女主角都是由同一個人演的,分別演出 大正、昭和,以及平成三個時期不同的愛情故事,很能賺人熱淚。 這有什麼好感人的?」聽完了故事,他說。 「你不認為每一代的故事都很棒嗎?」我反駁。「要是我有這個編劇 功力,我一定不當醫生,改行寫劇本。」 「要是妳當編劇,那齣戲一定沒人看,電視台正好可以趁此關門。」 他也很快的反駁回來,差點沒把我氣死。 「我先回去上班了,你快點把卡片寄來!」 隨便丟下這句氣話,我隨後掉頭回家,連咖啡都不喝了。 才進家門,我立即打開電腦連線,對著空無一物的信箱發呆,腦中不由地 回想起我和他的相識過程。 說起來或許沒人相信,我和我的男朋友竟然是鄰居,而且是家近到可以 爬牆越過去的那一種。從小,我們就很愛吵嘴,總是一天到晚吵個不停, 從來沒休戰過。 我還記得,那一年剛搬到鄉下,人生地不熟的,習慣大都市生活的我 實在很難適應鄉下的簡單生活,一放學就發呆,每當那時候,他一定 跑來找我、鬧我。 「妳幹嘛發呆?」他總愛拉扯我的頭髮。「妳發呆的樣子醜斃了,不過 妳笑的時候也漂亮不到哪裏去。」 換句話說,我就是醜,很醜。 「你才是醜死了呢!」我從他手中拉回我的頭髮。「你嫌我醜,就不要 過來啊,幹什麼來我家?」 「沒辦法,我家就住在妳家隔璧。」他說的理直氣壯。 「那我搬家。」我惡狠狠的撂話,隔天便找來好多白色的石灰,在地上 畫了一條線,不許他越界。 那年,我們同為小學五年級,彼此看彼此不順眼,都恨不得對方搬家。 而後,五年過去了,我們都沒搬成家,而且很不幸的考上同一所高中, 還好死不死的分在同一班。 「你們就是有名的那一對!」全校師生每次見到我們都會來上這麼一句, 硬把我們湊在一起。 「我們不是。」我每次都忙著澄清。「我和他只是住在隔璧而已,大家 不要誤會。」 那時我真恨死了我父母,沒事幹嘛挑他家隔壁搬。 「拜託,我的水準沒這麼低好不好?」他的嘴還是一樣臭。「誰會要她 當女朋友,又不是不長眼睛。」 「是啊,你的眼睛反正是長在頭頂嘛!」我也不客氣,他這人真的 很討厭。 「總比妳長在下面好。」他也不甘示弱的暗指我的眼光不好,當時我正 暗戀另一個學長,而學長的長相可比他差多了。 「哼。」 我氣得掉過頭不理他,不把他的諷刺當一回事,可我萬萬 沒想到他的諷刺之下另有含意,沒多久我就發現到了。 就在我為學長用情不專掉淚的那一天,他悄悄的遞過一條手帕,一臉 尷尬的把我拉進他的胸膛粗聲粗氣的安慰我,叫我不要哭。 「早告訴妳過他不好的嘛,妳偏不聽。」 他氣呼呼的罵我,我卻是被罵得莫名其妙,他根本沒說過這句話。無論 如何,我還是在他懷裏哭了一夜,並從此改變對他的觀感。 我和他之間有了奇妙的轉變,我們還是一樣照常吵架,照常針鋒相對, 可是漸漸地,我發現他看我的眼神不同以往,而我,也時常為他的接近 臉紅心跳,我們心底都很明白;我們喜歡上對方了。 即使如此,我們嘴裏還是不說。就算我們時常克制不住偷偷接吻,就算 我們對彼此的一舉一動都很在意,可是我們就是不說,誰也不肯先承認 愛意。時光就在彼此的拉距戰中飛逝,很快地,我們不得不面對升學的 問題,同為自然組的我們選擇了不同的道路,我選擇學醫,而他選擇 理工,兩人就此分開。 可是,我們終究還是分不開。父母為了怕我們在台北沒人照應,硬是把 我們租在同一棟大樓,於是我們又成了鄰居。 成了鄰居,我們自然還是一樣吵嘴,只不過吵著吵著就吵進房,有時還 吵到床上去。 好吧,我們是發生了肉體關係,可是對我們的實質關係幫助不大,我們 還是一樣不肯說愛彼此,甚至連情人節都不曾一起渡過,直到有一天的 情人節晚上,他看見我和別的男人一起共進晚餐,才在我回家的時候等 在我的房門口,要死不活的告訴我,以後情人節別跟其他人出去,他會 帶我出去吃飯。 我不得不說,他很自大,也不得不承認,我很沒志氣。總之,我點點頭, 默認他的要求,往後我們的情人節都是一起渡過,一直到我畢業,他 就業為止。 畢了業,我順利考上醫生執照,開始當起實習醫生。他則 和人合夥搞了一家小小的電腦公司,幫人設計程式,兩人各忙各的,更沒有時間談愛了。 三年後,我終於升為正式醫生,而他的事業也做的有聲 有色,各自搬到較大的公寓,從此分道揚鑣。 不過,表面上雖是分道揚鑣,可實際上我們還是在一起,每年的情人節都一起渡過,只是一年渡得比一年更沒意思,因為他從頭到尾都不肯說 愛我,就算我再怎麼暗示他都一樣。 再次面對空白的信箱,我注視著 螢幕好一會兒,心中突然升起一股很大的火氣。 嘴裏不肯說,信又不肯寄,他到底是什麼意思?把我當做什麼? 於是我帶著十足的火氣,撥他的手機。 「喂?」他接起電話。 「我沒收到卡片。」我馬上顯示我的不悅。 「妳沒收到?」電話那頭似乎很忙。「但是我已經寄了。」 他真的很忙,但我不管。 「我就是沒收到,你再寄一次。」最近我的信箱老是出問題。 「好吧,我再寄一百次,這總行了吧!」 他說得不耐煩,而我聽得不爽,這像是情人間的口吻嗎? 「隨便你,你最好不要寄來。」我越想越生氣。「晚上你也不必來 接我了,我自己去吃飯。」 「妳不要任性好嗎,我真的很忙。」他的聲音聽起來很無奈。 「對,我就是任性。」喀一聲,我切斷電話,眼淚不爭氣地掉下來。 我任性,他怎麼不想想自己是什麼死樣子?交往這麼多年了,渡過了 無數次情人節,哪一次接過他送的花,看過他寫的卡片?如今我只要求 小小的一張電子卡片,也算過份嗎? 我越想越委屈,生氣之餘乾脆把電話線都拔掉,也不管手機怎麼響, 反正我就是不要接電話。 回醫院之後,我囑咐總機無論是誰撥電話來我都不接,只想專心工作。 由於我在急診處工作,又是外科醫生,想當然爾不可能太輕鬆,尤其 今天的突發狀況又特別多,一個鐘頭後,我已忙得滿身大汗,老早忘了 之前和他的爭執。 「徐醫生,那邊有個病患請妳照料一下。」 急診處的主管江醫生指示我到隔璧病房支援,我連忙點頭。 正當我收拾醫療用具,準備到另一個病房支援的時候,急診處外面又 傳來救護車的尖鳴聲。 老天,今天發生事故的人還真多。 我心裏這麼想,收拾好一切要到隔壁房去,才走出房門口,走廊那頭的醫護人員便 急急忙忙推著一張活動病床衝過來。 這對急診處的工作人員來說是 司空見慣的事,每天每天我們都是這般搶救人命的,分分秒秒都寶貴, 因為這關係到一個人的性命。 「這個人怎麼了?」我問第一個跑過來的醫護人員,其他的醫護人員 正忙著將患者搬上床,那人渾身都是血。 「撞車了。」醫護人員說。「撞得很嚴重,可能會有生命危險。」 我點點頭,也跟著跑過去,在急診處就是這樣,誰有空,誰就負責救命。 我跑得很快,幾乎在他們剛把病床推到緊急醫護室我人就到了,當我 到達的時候,醫護人員告訴我,那人已經沒有呼吸,心跳也停止了。 「準備電擊。」我邊走邊要醫護人員調整好機器,救人是我們的責任, 任何情況下都不能失去冷靜。 可是,當我看清楚躺在病床上的人是誰的時候,我失去了冷靜,躺著的人 竟是我的男朋友。 「不。」我當場呆住,連醫護人員將電擊槌交給我都沒感覺。 「不�.」回過神的我,握緊手中的電擊槌,拼命電擊他的胸部,他的 身體因這不間斷的電流跳起來又落下,跳起來又落下,這情形看在醫護 人員的眼底,嚇壞了他們,於是趕緊跑過去呼叫江醫生,說我瘋了。 我不曉得我是不是瘋了,我只想救活我的愛人,即使他嘴臭,即使他從 不表露他的情感,我還是要救活他,他還欠我一張卡片,絕不能死。 急促的腳步聲緊接著傳來,我丟開電擊槌,開始改為擠壓他的心臟, 我用力的壓、拼命的壓,費盡我全身的力氣只求他能活過來,可是他 沒有,他連「好痛」都不肯說,只是沉著一張臉,閉緊著眼睛,用沉默 處罰我,向我道別。 「徐醫生,住手,妳這麼做害死他的。」 朦朧間,我彷彿聽見江醫生的怒斥,等到他生氣的將我推開的時候, 我已經看不清他的影子了。 我,哭了,哭得泣不成聲,哭得柔腸寸斷。 「來不及了,徐醫生,他已經死了,我很抱歉。」 我又感覺到江醫生輕拍我的肩,用遺憾的聲音告訴我他已經走了,江醫生 也認識他,他們還曾同一起吃飯,介紹人是我。 「他不會死的。」我搖頭。 「他不會死的!」我衝過去再一次拿起電擊槌妄想救他。 「徐醫生,妳冷靜一點!」 我的電擊槌被江醫生奪下,臉頰還挨了一巴掌。 「我了解妳的感受,但別忘了妳是醫生。」 是的,我是醫生,但我也是平凡人。江醫生說他能了解我的感受,但他 怎麼可能能夠了解?我愛了他這麼多年,幾乎已成一種習慣,習慣能 說丟就丟嗎? 況且,他還欠我一張卡片。 「我沒有辦法冷靜,我只要他活,我只要他活!」 聽不進任何勸,我又衝到他的身邊,試圖以溫熱的掌心,敲醒他毫無 知覺的生命。 「把徐醫生拉開!」不得已,江醫生怒吼。 就在那一天,我失去了我的冷靜、我的專業,像個瘋狂的精神病患者, 在鎮定劑下找到平靜,而那日,正好是情人節。 事後,我詢問他的工作夥伴,他為什麼先下班。他們告訴我,那天我 掛斷他的電話以後,他又打了好幾次電話找我,可是一直找不到我, 心急之下,他丟下手邊所有工作,開著車到醫院找我,就是在前往醫院的 途中,被一輛逆向行駛的大卡車給撞死的。 當我聽見這個消息,我整個人都楞住了,我的任性害死了他,僅僅為了 一張沒寄成的卡片,他成了車下亡魂。 而後,再也沒有任性的權利, 我像隻被人遺棄的小貓,連哭都失去自由。我的眼淚凝聚在他走的 那一夜,自他過逝後,我再也哭不出來,無論是多感人的劇情,多撕人 心肺的對白,都再也感動不了我。 我的任性被剝奪了,現在的我,只能對著空無一人的房間發呆。 不對,我還有一隻貓,和一台甚少使用的電腦。 苦笑了一下,我跨過正在喝牛奶的貓去開電腦,牠喵喵叫了幾聲,好像 在抗議我不尊重貓權。我聳聳肩,習慣性的連線,即使我心裏很明白 沒有人會寄信給我,可是我還是不由自主地期望有人還記得我,就算是 寄給我一些講情人節有多浪漫的廢話也好。 喵、喵。 克麗絲汀淒涼的喵叫聲吸引了我,我掉過頭看看牠是怎麼回事,原來是 牛奶喝完了,牠還想再喝。 我起身,走到冰箱又倒了些牛奶在牠的貓碗上,然後回到電腦前,瞪著 螢幕。 居然有�..一百封信!這未免也太誇張了吧,誰這麼無聊寄給我 一百封有關於情人節的垃圾信? 我有點惱怒,正想乾脆來個大刪除,把信件全都丟掉的時候,卻又收到 一個訊息,上頭寫著:因系統上的故障,至今才將信件送到,抱歉至極。 發信的人是我電子帳號的供應者,老搞壞我信箱的渾蛋。 我無奈的打開第一封信,上面顯示寄件日期是在去年的今天,也就是 情人節。 我的心開始蹦蹦跳,腦子裏閃過一個不合理的念頭:會不會是他, 會不會是他寄的? 我用顫抖的右手按住滑鼠,差一點就無法將信打開。 信件終於在我的指尖開啟,首先映入眼簾的是一朵紅色的玫瑰,襯著 蒼翠的綠葉,綻開得好不美麗,接著,我又聽見一首動人的音樂,曲名 是 Only Love。 我不敢置信的摀住嘴巴,因為那朵玫瑰是那麼的美,音樂是如此醉人, 我幾乎以為我在做夢,可是最令我感動的卻是玫瑰底下那些字,那看起來 就像一章動人的詩篇。 雨彗。 -那是我的名字。 相識多年,從來沒有送過妳任何一束花,今天我送妳一朵玫瑰。 -我收到了,而且覺得好美好美。 妳知道我們總是在鬥嘴,總是無法真正放下身段,敞開心胸跟對方說 愛。 -是啊,但這該怪誰,誰叫你這麼冷漠? 我知道我的嘴巴不好,說話總惹妳生氣。 -豈止不好,簡直糟透了,虧你說得出來。 但是今天我要向妳說:對不起,並且還要告訴妳:我愛妳。 -很好,我等了這麼多年,就等你這句話。 然後,我還要告訴妳一件更令妳高興的事,那就是:我終於存夠錢了。 -你老早就有錢了,幹嘛拼命賺? 所以雨彗,我們結婚吧!以前不敢跟跟妳求婚,是因為怕不能給妳過 好日子,現在我存夠錢,再也不必戰戰兢兢的等待了。 -誰要你戰戰兢兢,我早就是你的人了。 今天,我就用這張卡片跟妳求婚。妳願意嫁給我嗎,雨彗?妳願意嗎? 這就是整張卡片的內容。 我像個傻子,一面看著他寫的文字,一面和他對話,彷彿又聽到他的 聲音,看見他的影子,回到一年前和他打打鬧鬧,而我希望這樣的時光 能夠停留,不教現實奪去了永遠。 此時,卡片中不斷播放的音樂又一次響起,一再重覆娜娜那令人心碎的 歌聲。 Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it�s songs unsung. and I remember you then love was all, all you were living for, and how you gave that love to me��.. 只有愛能創造回憶,只有愛能停住最後時刻,當你在的時候,這個世界 變得年輕,所有未完的歌曲,所有你的生活點滴,就是我對你全部愛的 記憶,以及你如何給我那份愛���. 這首歌的歌詞,竟如此貼近我們的愛情,當他活著的時候,我的世界是 那麼年輕,每天每天都可以找到不同話題和他吵架,可是當他離開我 以後,我的生活只剩記憶,只剩踢也踢不掉的冷清。 妳願意嫁給我嗎? 當我看見這遲來的問句時,我的眼淚不知不覺的流了下來,滴濕無辜的 鍵盤。 我願意嗎?如果他還在我眼前的話,我一定狠狠踹他一腳,踢死他這個 大傻瓜。 笨蛋,我如果不願意的話,就不會等到今天了。 於是,我移動滑鼠點了螢幕上「全部回覆」的欄位,敲下我早已準備 多年的回答,告訴他: 我願意。 我願意;生生世世陪著他,我願意;就和他一輩子鬥嘴直到永遠, 我這麼回答了他,可是能給我回音的,只有那首不斷重覆的Only Love。 即使如此,我還是開啟每一封信,捧起每一朵玫瑰,敲下每一句 相同的話:我願意。 我回答了一百次,Only Love也唱了一百次,就在這情人節清冷的夜, 中斷了一年的線路終於再度接上。 我回答你了,那你呢?

I took quite some time to read up those past entries. Mostly about Faith and me, my thoughts about her and my feelings.

Now, i'm standing at the same spot. I suppose.
I couldn't find the right words, after so many things happened from the stretch of these few months.
She came back and wanted things right. I too wanted things to work out right.
I understand how much i love her, but at certain point of time, i felt both of us will do better if we're off alone.
I felt stranded, conformed with time. Losing myself and allowing myself to willow in a directionless relationship.
There is this untold stress when i'm with her. I've just got this feeling that she's still in this position because of me, there is so much she wanted to do and i believe she could! She's just not moving towards her goal because i'm around. Guilty of being a drag in her life.
Her relationship at home and social circle. My bad.
When the thought came if she could do better without me came...i became depressed.
A part of me am not willing to let her leave me, another reminds me not to be selfish.

She being emotional, thinks of all unreasonable and eccentric reasons for my unrecipocative reactions to her loving gestures.

From the point when she had decided that there is no other way but to leave.
My heart broke...lost....and again, those previous entries, those emotions came back like a playback tape recorder.

I walked on the street, i thought of her, the smile and hands held together...palm to palm.
When i visited Sakae Sushi, or anywhere i have my meals.
I only could recall how much i've missed her. My heart missed many beats...for only she could make them beat, i thought i would rather die then to suffer those toturous times without her.
I listened to Incomplete by Dru Hill after the moment she left.
That song was meant for her from my heart. Day after day...every single moment i placed those earpiece onto my ear, it will play only this song, nothing else.
Oh, how much...how much i wish she could be the girl who grow old with me.
But everytime my insecurities stopped me from pursuing further, with my unfinished diploma. What reason do i have to keep her? How long will she stick with me? What if she leaves me for someone better?
These turmoil hence led me to believe that it is better to leave now than fall deeper in the future.

Till now, i'm struggling for i know not what come next between us.
It's not about Joyce. In my world, there's me and her.

INCOMPLETE - SISQO
Bright Lights and Fancy Restaurants
Everything in this world that a man could want.
I got a bank account bigger than the law should allow
Still I'm lonely now
Pretty Faces from the covers of a magazine
From their covers to my covers wanna lay with me.
Fame and Fortune still can't find, just a grown man runnin' out of time

Chorus:
Though it seems I have everything
I dont wanna be a lonely fool
All of the women, all the expensive cars, all the money don't amount to you.
So I can make believe I have everything, but I can't pretend that I don't see.
That without you girl my life is incomplete.

Listen.
Your perfume, your sexy lingerie.
Girl I remember it just like it was on yesterday.
A Thursday you told me you had fallen in love, I wasn't sure that I was.
it's been a year-Winter, Summer, Spring and Fall.
But being without you just aint livin' aint livin'at all
If I could travel back in time, I'd relive the days you were mine.

Repeat Chorus

I just can't help lovin' you
But I loved you much too late.
I'd give anything and everything to hear you say, that you'll stay

Even though it seems I have everything.
I don't wanna be a lonely fool.
All of the women, all of the expensive cars, all of the money don't amount to you.
(you can have it all) I can make believe I have everything, but I can't pretend that I don't see.
(Just give me my baby)
That without you girl my life is incomplete.

My birthday today,

but why do i feel so disappointed.
Why doesn't all goes according what we've planned?
There are too many whys....
Why doesn't she sense that i really love her.
Why does her work come before me when she told me that she'll put me first above all piorities.
She lied? She changed?
Or did i do something which turn her off.
I don't understand. Hai.

I was just packing my wardrobe/room at this time and listening to Ai Qing Bu Neng Zhuo Bi Jiao - Baby.

At this point of time. Should i say i'm definitely overcomed my sleepiness.
From the sit in his room facing, it. I could see colors from the small gap from the window.